If you missed it, make sure you read Part One of my synopsis first
Suddenly the Retrospective short film ends without any warning and the next section, “Badder”. I really wish the film would stick up title cards between the short films to indicate what’s happening, or at least cut to black for 5 seconds. Instead their idea of a transition is cutting directly from the chorus line of “Dirty Diana” at a concert to the action-heavy opening of the “Bad” music video. At first I just assumed that the Retrospective part was still going on, but then something weird happens. Well, the whole thing’s been pretty weird so far, but this is still pretty unusual. Within the first 5 seconds of the “Bad” video, Michael Jackson, his dancers, and the punks he’s dancing off against in the parking garage become children. AS IN, 10 YEARS OLD. The original Bad music video is weird enough, and replacing the cast with kids just leaves even more pressing questions. Like, what exactly, is the central conflict about here? What are these kids doing in the middle of an abandoned parking garage unsupervised? Why does that one dancer have a painted-on five o’clock shadow? Also, WHY ARE THEY KIDS AND WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?!! Actually, this scene is really fun. The kid playing Michael is really funny, not only at the start and end of the song when he sticks out his tongue at his enemies and leads his crew in a schoolyard chant against them, but when he goes in for the patented Michael Jackson crotch grab he hurts himself and makes a face reminiscent of the Three Stooges. Ah, classic nut-shot joke (though it is a little creepy when it happens to a kid). It’s also a little creepy that MJ is replacing himself with a child here since while he was alive at best he constantly tried to escape to a childish fantasy world to make up for his lost childhood, and at worst, well, you know. Regardless, the MJ kid, Brandon Quintin Adams, is really talented at playing MJ and apparently went on to be one of the Mighty Ducks. So this film wraps up after kid MJ and his adversary have a literal slap fight, and then they sort of make amends? I can’t really tell.
Suddenly we cut to a studio lot where we see a tourist bus, filled with creepy claymation fans. We cut back to MJ and his bodyguards, STILL KIDS FOR SOME REASON, leaving the set while talking about Bubbles the chimp and banana cream pie. As soon as they step outside through some magic smoke they turn back into adults which a guard literally dismisses as “movie stuff, sir” when questioned about it. A little claymation boy with a vague foreign accent sees MJ and stammers to his claymation grandmother: “It’s Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-MICHAEL JACKSON!!!!!”
The two let out a blood curdling scream and their eyes become huge dark abysses of evil, their curling lips revealing clay fangs. I want to make it clear just how frightening this is. This is the creepiest thing I’ve seen in claymation since that Mark Twain "Mysterious Stranger" short film (look it up on youtube). Apparently this is how Michael Jackson views all his fans and paparazzi, because this film, “Speed Demon”, and the next, “Leave Me Alone” all revolve around him escaping from his psychotic, moronic fans. At one point MJ hides behind a mini Statue of Liberty which tells him “Land of the Free, home of the weird”. I pretty sure this is evident that Michael Jackson looks down on the rest of us normal people (I mean *looked* down. Zing!). The studio lot chase leads MJ to a costume warehouse where he puts on a rabbit mascot head, transforming him into claymation-rabbit-furry Michael Jackson. He’s able to slip past the claymation freaks guarding the door even though they saw him go in and he moonwalks past them, yet as soon as he’s escaping on a motorcycle everyone else notices it’s him and gives chase through the city, river, and sky. During this part MJ transforms into Sylvester Stallone, Tina Turner, and Pee-Wee Herman. Why? Because, FUCK, that’s why. Eventually he’s able to cause his pursuers to crash and he drives into Road Runner land. He takes off his costume which immediately becomes self-aware, and has a dance off against the claymation rabbit on the abandoned desert road. This is only stopped when a traffic cop stops him and gives him a ticket for dancing. The rabbit disappears and MJ says “But I was just dancing with my friend Spike, he was right here! Spike, where are you?” Why does the animated bunny have a name suddenly? Why is there a no dancing sign in the middle of the desert? These are just more questions that will never be answered as we cut to the next film, which is just a music video for “Leave Me Alone” which consists of MJ on a rollercoaster with live action dogs in business suits through a creepy stop motion land of magazine cut outs, classic movie scenes, and MORE CLAYMATION. It’s like if the art style Monty Python’s Flying Circus had a bad acid trip. This part is terrifying, and I’ve given up on it.
Don’t miss Part Three of my Moonwalker synopsis, where we hit the main narrative (sort of) and finale.
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